


And I’ll Finish What You Started

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Intersections [8]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Dark Leia Organa, Emotional Constipation, Epistolary, Family Secrets, Force Choking (Star Wars), Frenemies, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Temporarily One-Sided Finn/Rey, in a twisted way, in one intermission, she definitely isn’t nice in chapter four, sort of kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27704776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After the events of their unfortunate crash-landing, Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron return to their respective sides, unable to forget the other no matter how much circumstances demand it. Both of them must deal with either following their duty, or following their heart.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Series: Intersections [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025694
Kudos: 10





	1. So Good To Have You Back

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kylo Ren wouldn’t deny that he felt weird, being back. It seemed that it felt like he was back on that planet with Poe — that he had died there and the rest of this was just a hallucination. 

But you simply knew if you died, didn’t you? You became blue, and shimmery. It was just the way of things, when you died. Kylo, meanwhile, could say that he felt very, very corporeal. He could feel it, deep in his bones. It was something where he couldn’t help but wonder —

No. He couldn’t afford to indulge himself, in ideas of what would have happened if he had gone with Poe. Not now, not here. It was too late for him, anyway. His mother — well, he had felt her rejection, on Crait. 

(Did she still feel the same way? He hadn’t felt anything over the Bond they shared in...quite some time, actually)

It didn’t matter. He was alone. And maybe he didn’t need people, not really. To be Enlightened was to be alone, that was what Snoke said. 

And even though Kylo couldn’t say he really cared what Snoke thought anymore, he could at least say that Snoke was right on that front. 

Even a broken chrono was right twice a day, Kylo thought. 

***

”Well, I think we’re all truly relieved to see our Supreme Leader safe and well,” Hux said, and Kylo swore he could throw Hux up against the wall just for the way his oily voice all but grated on Kylo. Of course, that was nothing new. 

They were in the meeting room on the Steadfast. The Supremacy was in a sad state; after Holdo’s stunt with it, it simply couldn’t be repaired. Let the past die, indeed. 

Kylo found that he preferred the practicality of a meeting room anyway. He could never picture himself sitting on a throne, of any sort. Let alone wearing a gold bathrobe that would make anyone with aesthetic sense go blind. 

(Kylo could say that he preferred black, anyway. Black was powerful. Vader-esque. The color of a leader)

”I’m flattered, General Hux,” Kylo said, flatly. "There’s still work we need to do, of course.” He knew that he had a grand vision for the galaxy when he had killed Snoke. It was another reason that he’d killed him, because he had had a vision, and Snoke was butchering it with all the grace of an angry club. ”I had...changes in mind that didn’t have anything to do with simply hunting the Resistance. Important as it is.”

”How fascinating,” Hux sneered. “Was it Dameron? Did he bat his pretty eyes at you and you did anything he asked?”

The fortunate thing about Force Choke was that it had a talent for getting the point across that no one should follow Hux’s example. Kylo found the feeling of an invisible hand around Hux’s neck was heavily gratifying. 

”Dameron’s and my alliance,” Kylo said, “Was strictly professional." And how dare this brainless serpent even suggest that Poe’s only gift was that? Poe had so many things over Hux. Kindness, for example. 

He released Hux, who was gingerly rubbing his throat, hoping that Hux didn’t sense his feeling like his hand had been burned. 

”I had these aspects in mind,” Kylo said. “Far before Snoke’s...passing.” If he had to call Snoke’s passing “unfortunate”, he would most likely have doubled over in hysterical laughter. “For example, the matter of reforming Jakku. Terraforming it, having schools set up on it. Abolishing the scumrat...business on Corellia...”

It would most likely demolish his credibility. But honestly, Kylo thought, he’d been looking for this even before he joined Snoke’s side. It was for selfish reasons. He told himself that. Just to make the galaxy stop screaming in his head. And he hadn’t been lying to Rey (completely) about forming a new Order. Just because other people called it fascism didn’t mean it was true. Was it?

***

Kylo, truthfully, was relieved to be back in his quarters. The half-melted helmet of Darth Vader stared up at him, a grotesque sight to some, wondrous to Kylo. 

”Thank you, grandfather,” Kylo said, “For guarding Poe. Protecting him. You saved him from worse injuries during that crashlanding.” A beat. “I need guidance. More guidance. You...you wanted to rule the galaxy once, didn’t you? Before Skywalker killed you. Patricide — funny that he is venerated and I am condemned.” A beat. “Show me what to do."

He rested a hand on Vader’s helmet. Jolted back at what it showed him: Rey, who could have been his friend in another timeline, betraying him in one cruel attempt to summon his grandfather’s lightsaber. Poe, stepping away from him as he boarded the shuttle. Han Solo, falling to his death as he was impaled with Kylo’s lightsaber —

— he was soothed, at least, by the images he saw next. Standing on a balcony with Rey as his apprentice and Poe his consort, looking down at people who hailed him as their rescuer. A new Order of Force users, unrestricted by Jedi and Sith titles. Where there was no Light, no Dark, just...synthesis. A resolution to the worries that plagued him when he was a young historian. 

It was a sign from his grandfather’s spirit, that he was righteous. Justified. 

Kylo smiled faintly, before standing up, withdrawing his hand from his grandfather’s helmet. He had work to do. 


	2. Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe does some detective work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

To say that Poe was frustrated was one way to put it. Very, very frustrated. Even on the base on Ajan Kloss, he had to be secretive. Secretive, and laying low. 

He had looked through the records on the Falcon and more, but he hadn’t found anything in relation to the night that Luke had (apparently) tried to kill Ben. Could it even be that Kylo had been lying, or...something?

He’d known Ben. He’d known Ben for quite some time. Ben wasn’t a good liar and Poe knew this. Then again, had things just changed when he and Ben had been separated from each other?

Poe didn’t want to think of how much Ben had changed. How much he’d became almost unrecognizable. Like a Clawdite had decided to wear Ben’s face. 

He supposed that he’d have to accept that his search was at a dead end. For the moment. 

Unless...

Artoo had been there with Luke the night that the Temple had been destroyed. Poe remembered that much. He remembered how Artoo seemed to be twitching next to Luke, almost like he had some sort of truth to tell. 

Maybe it was the truth of what had actually happened at the Temple. 

***

"Hey, Artoo.”

It was one of those moments where Artoo could be persuaded to get himself unglued from Threepio’s side for just five minutes. 

”Look, I need your help with something,” Poe said. “Kylo told me something about Luke; probably a load of happabore dung, knowing him. Probably didn’t like to lose on Crait. But anyway...I was wondering if you could help me solve the mystery. You were with Luke that night, weren’t you?”

A simple, beeped affirmative. 

”Right. Do you...know what happened?”

Poe was keenly aware in that moment that the moment he asked that question, there was no going back. 

Artoo beeped, clearly wondering what Poe’s purpose was in viewing it. 

”I just want to know the truth.” _And I promised Kylo. I really did. “_ Ben meant something to me, and so did Luke.”

After a while, Artoo showed the recording. All but bathing Poe in detail. The moonlit hut, and the sound of an igniting lightsaber in there — and given how Ben, judging from the recording, only ignited his lightsaber not long after...

It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be. Luke couldn’t have suddenly decided that he knew who lived and who died. He couldn’t...

And Ben — watching him stumble out of the ruins of the hut with such a horrifying look of grief — his eyes wide, his face pale and drawn with grief and fear — Poe wished that he could reach through the hologram and comfort Ben. Let him know he wasn’t alone.

And even the destruction of the Temple — it was less like Ben intentionally set it on fire and more like there was some third party that Poe doubted he could understand, a third party he couldn’t even see. Something or someone had set the Temple on fire, but not Ben.

It dawned on Poe that this was a rare occasion where Poe had to apologize to Kylo. 

***

It was later, on the datapad, that Poe got his message. 

_Poe,_

_You know the truth now. I sensed it — I admit, as much as I wanted you to believe me, I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to completely lose your faith — and I still don’t. The oaf that tarnished the diamond, in other words.  
_

_That incident at the hut — it was one of many reasons I fell. If no one else believed in me, if even my uncle — who was able to see the good in Vader but not me — didn’t believe in me...it was like there was no point.  
_

_I hope it helps you understand me more. You deserve, at least, to know the truth.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

Poe supposed that, honestly, how Kylo had gotten hold of him was the least of his problems, his worries. The question was what he did now. Did he tell the General? How would he even break it to her, that her own brother had tried to kill her son? And for what reason? Why?

Poe doubted he’d ever understand. Did he want to?

He wanted to, at least — just to know why this had gone so wrong. 


	3. Intermission: Epistolary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe contacts Kylo again in regards to the newest revelation about Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Oh God, I hope I didn’t take the “You’re not alone” scene between Rey and Kylo in vain when I accidentally referenced it here...
> 
> Also, one would think to tell Kylo that Darth Sion really isn’t someone you should reference, but...considering the Vader thing...

_Ben,_

_You were right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

_-Poe_

***

_Poe,_

_I am sorry that I had to drop that on you. I really am. I’m not a good man — I know that much. I’m not a good Jedi, I’m not a good Supreme Leader, and I’m not a good man. I know that now._

_It was one of the reasons I left you behind. Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I did wonder, occasionally, if it was the right thing to do — but in the end, it was worth not having you broken. It was worth not having you damaged, unrecognizable._

_I know full well that I broke you, in my own way. In a way, I don’t know if I or Skywalker broke you first. But...I am sorry.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

_Ben,_

_I will admit it: it was Luke who broke us. Broke both of us. But...I can’t join you. I can’t just turn my back on the Resistance. Luke may have been flawed (and that’s a kriffing charitable way of putting it) but I can’t just turn my back on belief.  
_

_You don’t know what you’re doing. All the pain that you’re inflicting on other people, all the hatred — it’s not you and you’re doing it anyway. I know you. You were a good person; I think there’s still potential for you to be better than you are. Yes, Luke rejected you — for lack of a better word. But you didn’t have to go on and kill innocents. What about Hennix, Voe, everyone? (I’m not counting Ren because he was a piece of happabore dung, but...you get the idea)_

_Ben...you can call this off. Come home.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

_If it were that simple, I’d be home right now.  
_

_But I can’t go home. Almost everyone I know is dead. I’ve dug myself too deep. And I don’t know if I can stop digging; after all, I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be better. To paraphrase Darth Sion, the darkness is a blade. Without it, one is defenseless.  
_

_(A pity about Sion. Felled by sentiment, of a different type than my grandfather)_

_Without my darkness, I am nothing. Without my struggle to be better, I am nothing. Don’t you understand that?_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

_Ben,_

_You aren’t nothing to me. I just know it. You never were — even before this.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

_Neither are you._

_-K.R._

_***  
_

Poe had to admit that scrolling through the missives that he and Kylo had sent to each other, it was something that still hurt. Hurt like a vibroblade stabbing through the heart, if he was to be perfectly honest. Even as he looked over Kylo’s words — this new monster that had taken on the face of his best friend — he wondered if there was something more that he could do. Just to persuade Kylo that he wasn’t nothing without his anger, his hate. It wouldn’t be easy, but he had to try. 


	4. Necessary Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe tries to tell Leia about Luke. It doesn’t go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Poe was quiet through breakfast; if D’Acy and General Organa noticed (Vice Admiral Holdo had been dead for months. Even looking at one seat empty reminded Poe of more of his mistakes), they didn’t say anything. Not a word. It was after breakfast that Poe asked to speak with General Organa. 

He had a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach like he wanted to vomit his eggs as he asked it. Even as she agreed. 

***

”General, there’s something Kylo Ren told me on the planet we crashlanded on. Something urgent.”

Poe spoke to General Organa in the briefing room, at least glad that they were for the moment distanced from everyone else. Poe could already feel the dread building up in his chest. The feeling like he really needed to psych himself up for what was to come.

He didn’t miss the way that General Organa tensed. “Tell me.” The grief that was hidden so carefully beneath the surface, ready to come forth. 

”It’s about Luke,” Poe said. He spoke, careful, conscious, of how every word would break her. She was strong, but some things would break even the strongest person. “He...he tried to kill Ben. In his sleep. That was what led to Ben becoming Kylo.”

He watched her. Watched her eye twitch, her hands tighten, as she tried to keep her composure. 

”Artoo has a copy of the incident,” Poe said. “That’s what made me believe Kylo.”

”...I don’t understand,” Leia finally said. “How could he have so much faith in Vader but not in my son? Not in my Ben?”

”General, I’m sorry.”

”It’s not your fault.” A blink, like Leia was trying not to cry. “Poe...please, don’t tell anyone else. It’ll destroy them if they know. Lie, if you have to. I’ve gotten good at lying.”

”We can’t just do this.”

”It’ll be like keeping a secret,” Leia said. 

”No, it won’t be. It’ll be worse than that. A...hypocrite like that doesn’t deserve to be honored.”

”He saved us at Crait — ”

“From a threat he couldn’t take responsibility for!" Poe said. 

_You could have helped him_ , he thought. I _could have._

“So you’re just going to treat what I said, what your own son said, like nothing?” Poe said. 

“I’m doing this for _them_!” Leia sounded so frustrated in that moment, so very strained. At the end of her rope. “If the galaxy learns that Luke Skywalker all but created Kylo Ren, they’ll lose faith in him. The galaxy needs a legend. They need Luke Skywalker." 

Poe looked at her, really looked at her — and he wondered if he really knew her at all. If he had been thinking of an image of her. 

"So this is it?” Poe said, bluntly. “We’re just going to cover up the fact that Luke tried to kill your son? I can’t just lie.”

”We're doing it to protect the galaxy.”

”And doesn’t the galaxy deserve better than knowing the man who faced down Kylo at Crait couldn’t bother to own up to it?” Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Kriff, General...”

”We’ve lost too much. No one came at Crait.”

”Well, this won’t make them change their minds!”

***

Poe was relieved, at least, to slump on the bed and bury his face in his hands. He wasn’t about to start destroying stuff; he was trying to cut down on that since General Organa had pointed that out. But kriff, he wanted to. 

_And somehow you’re ready to let Kylo off the hook because of what Luke nearly did?_ a voice in his mind nagged. 

Poe sighed. He was tired — so very tired in that moment. So very exhausted. And he needed to at least tell Kylo, tell Kylo the truth. 

_Ben,_

_Your mom decided. She’s not telling anyone about the fact your uncle tried to kill you. I’m sorry.  
_

It should have ended there. Poe kept typing because, kriff, he needed to at least tell _somebody_. 

_There are times when I don’t know if I can do this. Your mother — she thinks that she can force me into a role I could never really be in, that I could never really fit. Now she wants me to lie. Just because the galaxy needs a legend._

_And I know that it’s not as bad as what happened to you, not really, but I swear that the Resistance doesn’t believe in me. Not since the Holdo incident. Did I tell you about that? How Holdo died because of me? Because I didn’t trust her? Hell, the reason the Resistance was small enough to fit in a freighter was that I didn’t trust Holdo. I should have just shut up and been good and done what I was told — but it wasn’t even because I had a hatred of women that could only be explained by women’s underwear burning down my house; I wanted to keep the Resistance safe. And maybe your mother wants to as well. I just don’t know.  
_

_The galaxy needs a legend. A hero. Hope. I know that much. But it doesn’t need Luke Skywalker. Someone who’d shirk responsibility when it really mattered. I’m sorry, Ben. I believe you, at least. I’m sorry.  
_

_-Poe_

***

Poe was lying prone on the bed just then, trying to distract himself with an adventure holo, when his datapad dinged. Kylo. 

_Poe,_

_I’m angry, but I can’t say that I’m surprised. My mother was never there for me when it mattered. None of my family members were — except for my father, at least. I can be grateful for him loving me.  
_

_Holdo didn’t die because of you, by the way. She died because of her own beliefs in what she was doing. The belief she was right and everyone else was wrong. She didn’t use to be like that, I know that much.  
_

_You’re not a bad person. You’re not a misogynist either; by that logic, every man who ever opposed a woman would be one. You were as well-intentioned and well-meaning as a Resistance member could be — and you deserve so much better than this._

_I’m sorry, Poe. I admit, this is where I think I’m crumbling. I can’t afford to be sentimental. I can’t afford to have a heart, but I have one, and it’s breaking, for you, for me. I’ll also say you didn’t kill those Resistance members in the pods. Hux did. Hux was always a rabid cur, as Snoke would say, and now is no exception_. 

_You are a good person, now and always.  
_

_-K.R._

It was messed up, Poe thought, when Kylo Ren (your unwilling torturer) was the only one to call you a good person. To say your feelings mattered. He lay back against the bed and, exhausted, rested his eyes. 


	5. Color and Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets a recording from Kylo that explains some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for canonical torture, as well as mind rape by a third party.

Poe’s nightmares were busy. All too busy. He could all but see the interrogation room again, the surrounding blackness of it. The shadows that seemed to frame Kylo Ren’s masked face, making him appear almost more monster than man. 

He could feel the sort of mental disembowelment going on, where it felt like someone was pulling thoughts out of his head. Memories, again and again. And Kylo’s voice looped like a stuck holo: _You’re a good person you’re a good person you're a good person_...

Poe snapped awake just then, keenly aware of how the room seemed to encompass him, almost smother him. Breathing...breathing was difficult. It felt like he was being squeezed in.

He had to get out, into fresh air. He had to at least breathe. 

***

If he was being truthful, Poe was grateful for the night air. Just looking out into the night, looking out into the stars and feeling small compared to their vastness. 

He could still remember that nightmare. He’d had nightmares before about the Finalizer, about everything, but this seemed like a different variation on it. Being vindicated and wrung dry all at once. 

He supposed that was all too fitting. 

There was something about the dark that jarred his thoughts free. But could he?

***

_Ben,_

_I had a nightmare about you. You won’t believe the nightmares I had about you. I don’t know for certain if you did it because you wanted to or because you were forced to but I have had nightmares. I don’t know how you could do this to me. How you could be so cruel.  
_

_I’m at least glad you think it’s not my fault, at least. It helps somewhat. Sometimes I think you’re one of the only people who does. I just wish you hadn’t. Ben...you didn’t have to torture anybody. Including me. If you at least spared someone, anyone..._

_You won’t believe the nightmares I had about you.  
_

_-Poe_

***

He got the missive back, later. He’d spent time trying to hide things from D’Arcy and General Organa, hoping they didn’t suspect anything — and his heart raced as he picked up the datapad, wondering what Kylo had written. 

***

_Poe,_

_I don’t know if it helps, but...I feel I owe you an explanation.  
_

_-K.R.  
_

_***  
_

Attached was some sort of recording. Some sort of recording, Poe thought even as he, fingers shaking, clicked on it. He thought about, momentarily, backing away — momentarily leaving it be. Not giving a damn about anything that Ben had to say. 

But something drew him towards it. Something seemed to call him forward, almost like he was in some sort of trance. In some sort of dreaming state. 

He clicked.

It was some sort of recording of Kylo Ren’s quarters. Poe was struck by how austere, how black they looked. It seemed less like a room and more like a prison, Poe couldn’t help but think. The smallness, the darkness. Kylo seemed to all but blend into the darkness of the room, the shadows and the color. 

Kylo’s head was bowed. He seemed rigid. Afraid. 

”He is here,” Kylo said, aloud, to...something in the room. "Poe Dameron. I’ll have to break him, like I did the others, but I can’t do it. I know what I have to do, but I don’t have the strength to do it. I love him too much to condemn him.”

Poe’s hand shook holding the datapad, and he almost dropped it. 

Kylo Ren...loved him. Loved him so much that he couldn’t go through with interrogating him. And yet he had done it anyway. 

Poe’s hand shook as he held the datapad. Shook even as the tone of Kylo’s voice changed, from sorrow and conflict to the utmost terror. “Supreme Leader, please...please stop it. It...hurts. It hurts so much. Please...please...I can’t just violate his mind like that, I’ll destroy him.”

Kylo’s hands squeezed in, hard, to the sides of his head even as he spoke. “You can’t...you can’t just threaten to execute him. Just to scare me into it. He’s...useful to you — it’s not _fair_!”

Poe watched. Rigid, wanting to shut off the recording in that moment. Watched, as Kylo, sounding so very agonized, angry, defeated...agreed. Like the response was wrung out of him, just to get Snoke to stop hurting him — to spare Poe’s life. 

Kylo’s hands strayed from the sides of his head. It seemed Snoke had gone, at least. And Poe...Poe watched as he spoke to that same something Poe couldn’t see. 

”I’ll be gentle with him. I’ve got to. Got to show him that one mercy, somehow...”

The datapad clattered to the floor. The audio playing from it was muffled, and then it stopped. 

Poe’s hand shook. This...the interrogation was Kylo’s idea of showing mercy? 

_Should I even think that? He was effectively tortured too. Threatened_. 

_And he didn’t want to do it because he...loved me._

How many other prisoners hadn’t been attempted to be spared...that? Rey, Del Meeko...others?

 _He was in love with me. Is in love with me._

Nausea swooped over Poe, and he found himself running towards the fresher — vomiting into it seeming almost like a relief. 

He couldn’t tell anyone. Not about the way he felt. Not about the way Kylo felt for him. They would hate him if they knew. 

Poe wiped his mouth. Somehow, he couldn’t breathe, because his heart felt like it had been shattered. 

***

”So of all the people you wanted to spare, it was me.”

Poe spoke with Kylo over hologram. Thankfully, the others were asleep. Thankfully. 

”Why me?" Poe said. “I mean...why was someone you loved more important than basic sentient life?”

He noticed that Kylo’s eyes were red-rimmed. Crying or lack of sleep, most likely. "I was doing my job, before,” he said. “Doing what I was told. The first time I interrogated someone,” and of course he didn’t use the word “tortured”. Of course. "I vomited. I cried. Over time it became a task. They called me in as a last resort. And you...you were different. You were and are my friend, and I thought the galaxy of you."

“Did you really, honestly think making me relive the day you left was being gentle with me?”

Kylo’s eye did twitch. Then, "I...thought I could be gentle with you. Snoke...hurt me when I wasn’t violent enough. But I thought I could spare you in some respects...”

Now that Poe thought about it, he could remember. Moments when he thought the pain was slowing down, only for Kylo to spasm, and the pain to start up again. 

”Do you...still love me?” Poe said. He was curious now, wondering if Kylo’s feelings had stayed the same. 

”You’re important to me,” Kylo said, and Poe could swear in that moment it was like Kylo had shattered his heart all over again.

Had Kylo’s feelings changed? Or could he just not vocalize them? 

”Kriffing hell,” Poe said. “That’s all I am to you? Just...important?” That word. That word shouldn’t have hurt so much. 

Kylo looked at him, an expression that reminded Poe too much of a lost kath hound. “Just believe me.”

What did Kylo want him to believe?

”I’ll...see,” Poe said. And as Kylo’s hologram faded away, Poe could swear that he hated him. He didn’t hate people. That was just a fact. Even Hux, even the First Order. 

For a moment, he thought he might actually hate Kylo. 


	6. Never Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The next morning was, suffice it to say, uncomfortable. Poe couldn’t describe the whole feeling that he had — it was like the equivalent of waking up after a night of partying and feeling like your head was splitting open from the sheer ache in it. Except, of course, that would have implied that Poe had been having fun last night. Not so much, actually. 

“Ugh...” 

Poe stumbled to his feet, feeling like he was going through the motions even as he dressed in his usual clothes. He was at least grateful for some sort of normalcy.

***

”So...I heard some noise coming from your room,” Finn said. Poe was sitting with him and Rey, as well as Rose, and he didn’t miss the way that Rey seemed to be a bit uncomfortable seeing Rose and Finn holding hands. It wasn’t like she was looking at Rose like she was Bantha fodder, but it was obvious that she was wishing she had in to Rose and Finn’s dynamic. “Is everything okay?”

”What?” Kriff, had Finn actually heard Poe’s conversation with Kylo. “Yeah, I was fine. Just...patching things up.”

”You’ve been a bit weird since you came back from that crashlanding,” Finn said. “Did Kylo...hurt you again?”

”No,” Poe said. “Really, he didn’t.”

”He didn’t even do his mind rape thing — ”

“He did say it wasn’t by choice,” Poe said. 

Rose rolled her eyes. “Somehow I don’t believe that.”

Poe had to bite back the urge to snap at Rose, in that moment. To say she didn’t know anything —

He paused. What was going on with him? Maybe whatever had gotten to Kylo was rubbing off on Poe too. Maybe Poe had somehow caught something just being in close quarters with Kylo — though it was more of an emotional illness than anything else. 

***

Poe walked back to his quarters, and aside from Finn, Rey and Rose looking at him questioningly, he couldn’t say he faced any resistance (no pun intended). That was at least a plus of being Resistance leader (a role Leia had plopped him into without so much as asking if he was okay with it). No one asked any questions. 

He wrote his missive to Kylo. Holograms would be too risky, even now. 

***

_Ben,_

_I can’t do this. I can’t keep associating with you. Talking with you. I’m afraid — you’re getting to me, taking over me, in my veins, and I don’t like what I may be turning into. I nearly snapped at Rose Tico today, defending you. If I'm not careful, I might at least get emotionally compromised dealing with you._

_I should go._

_-Poe_

***

_Poe,_

_If snapping at one Resistance member to defend me is the worst thing you can do, I think that you’re very innocent indeed. Almost endearingly so.  
_

_Honestly, I don’t know why you’d defend me. After all, I’m not worth defending. We both know that. The scavenger said it herself; I am a monster. I suppose what differentiates me from a monster is that I have someone who’s important to me. (I’d say more, but I have a reputation to uphold)_

_Yes, you’re as important as a Resistance pilot can be. And I guess the question is, do you really want to go?  
_

_-K.R._

***

Poe looked down at the datapad, suddenly wondering if he could go. If he could actually break away from this bizarre kinship that they’d established in the jungle. Could he just break away? Especially when that someone happened to be his former best friend?

Of course, Kylo seemed to still think they were friends. Even when Kylo had been essentially mind-raped into torturing Poe. Poe couldn’t say what they were. Frenemies, maybe. 

That thought wasn’t exactly what Poe would call comforting. 

Growling in frustration and using all his self-restraint to not chuck the datapad across the room, Poe gently set it in his pocket; no use leaving it around for someone to find. 

Time to distract himself. 

***

”Hey, Rose — I’m sorry I got mad at you earlier.”

Even as Poe spoke with Rose, Rose nodded. “It’s fine. It looks like I struck a nerve with you. Were you and him...”

”We didn’t hook up a power coupling, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Rose coughed. “Hell of a way of resolving the war. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”

 _Saving what we love._ Poe fought back the sudden, empty pang in him by saying, “I don’t even hate the First Order, Rosie. I just want to make sure people aren’t suffering anymore.”

A shrug from Rose. “More than one kind of love, really. It’s not just romance.”

”Yeah.” Poe took a deep breath. “Even if I did love Kylo, I love just about everyone. In that unconditional compassion way, that is; not like wanting to kriff anything that moves.” Poe couldn’t say why anyone would see him that way. True, maybe some of his jokes under pressure came off as unintentionally flirty, but...

Still, he couldn’t help but think that how he felt about Kylo wasn’t how he thought about other people. He couldn’t say what that feeling was. 

”Never thought you the playboy type anyway,” Rose said. “I dunno; I just always saw you as just...not into that sort of thing?"

”I’m not the playboy type, I know that.” And if he ever did start acting like a playboy type for whatever reason, he’d request Finn check him into medbay to make sure he hadn’t come down with something. 

“Good,” Rose said lightly. “That guy’s overrated.”

Poe actually did laugh. He could thank Rose for that. 

***

Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary on Ajan Kloss, so Rose, as a bit of a peace offering, offered him a chance to watch a holo with her, Finn and Rey. 

Poe accepted. He could say that he could do it, especially since he needed a distraction. 

”I gotta say,” Rey said, in between mouthfuls of popcorn as they sat down, “This popcorn is really good.”

”You never had popcorn before?” Poe said. He could remember he and Ben having it when they watched holos together when they were kids — no, no. 

”We didn’t exactly have food on Jakku,” Rey said. “Unless portion bread counts.”

Poe didn’t miss the way Finn and Rose winced. He didn’t blame them. 

It was one of those times he could say that he actually felt bad for Rey. She deserved better than some schutta drunks that randomly decided that more alcohol took priority over their daughter. 

”That sucks,” Poe said, after a while. “You’re really missing out."

”Obviously,” Rey said, wrinkling her nose in amusement.

They sat there. Apparently, Rose had picked a love story about enemy pilots. Poe actually did flinch as she held up the holo tape and he hoped that Rose didn’t notice. 

”You okay?” Rose said. Stang. 

”Yeah, yeah, fine. Just...whatever makes you and Finn happy, Rosie.”

Rose frowned in concern, but didn’t comment. 

Poe had to fight back a whole series of emotions. A stab of jealousy for Finn and Rose, wishing that he could have had something like that with Ben. A feeling of familiarity with the enemy pilots, especially the heroine, watching her love run away and make the wrong decisions, again and again.

And Ben...he wasn’t Poe’s. It was likely that Kylo’s feelings had cooled, to a feeling of merely importance and appreciation. Maybe even Rey had captured Kylo’s heart, more than Poe’s. 

Kylo...months could change a person, couldn’t they? There wasn’t any way he could be Poe’s. He likely never could be. 

***

It was in his quarters when the holo was over that Poe wrote his missive to Kylo. He had to. Had to at least let Kylo know. 

***

_Ben,_

_I don’t want to go. And I don’t want you to go. Please.  
_

_-Poe_


	7. Obligation and Conviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order makes their next move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_Poe,_

_I shouldn’t stay. I really shouldn’t. But because you need it, because I need it — I will. We’ll have to keep this a secret, of course. I mean...no one will be happy seeing the leader of the First Order and the leader of the Resistance communicating with each other._

_Incidentally, I can’t help but wonder, Poe — are you happy here, in the Resistance? I haven’t seen your face for a while except on Resistance recruitment posters. (By the way, Poe, I do quite like the scarf. It adds a nice touch)_

_I can’t imagine that you’re happy. I never fancied you to be the sort who’d be content playing politician. And General Organa seems to think little of you from the little I gathered._

_You could be happy in the First Order. I do find you important._

_-K.R._

_***_

_Ben,_

_It’s not that bad. Stars, General Organa only hit me because I did something wrong. And she was only under a lot of stress because of, well, what happened with her husband and the fact that I led to the deaths of a lot of Resistance bombers and pilots. I mean, she wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t disappoint her._

_When I close my eyes, I swear I see Paige Tico burning. I swear I see her going up in flames, all because I couldn’t retreat when General Organa told me to. Stars, I cost Rose Tico a sister — I should burn in the Corellian hells just for that.  
_

_I know people die in war. Hell, Canderous Ordo, Mandalore the Preserver himself, said as much. But I feel like I should have saved Paige Tico. There’s others. Tallie Lintra. (Why did you kill her?) Everyone in the Republic bombing fleet. Holdo. There’s so much more I could have done and just...didn’t. Couldn’t._

_-Poe_

_***_

_Poe,_

_Even if you had, I think slapping one of your subordinates isn’t a very General-like thing to do. And no, Paige Tico chose her sacrifice. Have you really become so arrogant as to think that you control life and death? She chose it, because she believed in something. (Stars, I hope you’re not becoming arrogant)  
_

_Visas Marr once said, regarding the Exile Arawn Sinn, that if she said “My life for yours”, it was her choice and hers alone. That’s what General Organa doesn’t understand. That’s what she doesn’t see. People who are willing to die for their beliefs. Then again, it was rare she was actually on the front lines during the war with the Empire. I know that much. She was mostly in the bureaucracy. In red tape and a tangled mess.  
_

_She’s still handling it that way. Like a bureaucrat, not a General. She doesn’t see that casualties are a product of war. And she’s just using you. Idealizing you one minute, tearing you down the next.  
_

_You deserve more. Deserve better.  
_

_-K.R._

_***_

_Ben,_

_Don’t you occasionally choke your officers?_

_It’s not arrogance. I told Paige she was the only bomber left; it was all down to her. I should have just told her to retreat. She deserved more. Like a farm to herself or something. She and Rose wanted to start a farm, did you know that?  
  
_

_-Poe_

_***_

_Poe,_

_I daresay you overestimate your role in Paige Tico sacrificing yourself. Did General Organa teach you that?_

_Touché on the choking my officers part. I thought that it was at least a requirement; Snoke did say that I was his “new Vader”, at least. That was what he told me, when I was in the throne room._

_Stars, I shouldn’t be telling you this. But I have no one else to talk to (the scavenger would be one, but she’s angry with me, and I would rather watch a Gungan pegging porn holo on loop than confide in Hux) and I feel you’ve given too much of yourself to me already. Time to even the score. When I was called into Snoke’s throne room, I was already dreading his response. I’m not so petty as to be bitter over being beaten by a girl, so please, when you come up with your Resistance propaganda, please leave “he’s angry about being beaten by a girl” out of it._

_But yes, you can guess Snoke’s...magnanimous response. You can say that he insulted my helmet (though that’s the least of my worries) and said that me killing my own father wasn’t good enough to meet his requirements. Moved the goalposts, I think it was. It was him (it sounds cliché to say that Snoke was behind it all, but he was behind quite a few things) who said that I had to kill him. I was actually considering coming back on the bridge, on Starkiller Base. (Stars, that day...) There was something about his impassioned plea that made me think that I was wanted, even briefly._

_And Snoke...I can remember warring between what I wanted and this voice in my head. This voice that was there since I was a boy, waiting. A voice. I wanted to put down the lightsaber but the voice was talking about how I would become stronger._

_I didn’t. I didn’t become stronger by killing my father. I just opened myself to Snoke discarding me. And I realized that everything else he made me do (including interrogating you. One of the worst things of all) was pointless. Han Solo was dead, your mind was in tatters...and all of it was for nothing._

_I didn’t kill Snoke for Rey (although the idea of me killing her was unappealing). There were many reasons, but I think one was realizing that I had wasted my time, wasted six years of my life and possibly more. And I couldn’t keep doing it._

_It’s not an ideal life, I know that much. But at least I’m not being ground under Snoke’s heel anymore. Better to be doing the hurting than being hurt._

_-K.R._

_***_

_Ben,_

_Gungan pegging, huh? Is Jar-Jar involved?_

_Kriff, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You could have come to us. I could have helped.  
_

_And yeah...I guess Leia did teach me to think it was my fault. I mean, I still remember that slap. Everyone watching. I know she lost her husband and Resistance soldiers, but...did I really deserve to be humiliated like that?_

_-Poe_

_***_

_Poe,_

_No. You didn’t deserve humiliation._

_I don’t know whether to order you taken into custody for putting that image of Binks in my head, or be grateful for you actually telling a joke. I’ll go with the latter. I did miss you. You and your jokes. (Stars, I miss your genuine laugh...)_

_Of course you’d say that. But do you really think you could heal me with the power of your caring alone? No one’s that powerful. No one can love someone back to health._

_-K.R._

***

_Ben,_

_True. I’m not that powerful. But I could have at least provided a helping hand._

_-Poe_

***

It was true, Poe thought as he pocketed the datapad. No one could heal someone with, say, sex. It wasn’t possible. But he could at least provide compassion. His love for everyone that Rose had pointed out. He could provide that, and at bare minimum, it would make the journey easier. Because Poe...Poe just loved and believed in people. 

***

”You seem to be doing better,” Rey said, softly. Across from her, Rose and Finn were deep in conversation. “I’m glad.”

There was something in her voice that was suspicious. Probably nothing new for Rey, but still. Poe nodded. “Just...had a good night’s sleep, that’s all.”

”That’s nice, Poe,” Rey said, still sounding more than a bit distrustful. Poe almost felt his heart speed up in his chest. He wasn’t a good liar, he knew that much, and now he was trying to keep a secret from his friends. 

He wasn’t supposed to do that. 

He hoped, feeling the datapad securely in his pocket, that Rey, Finn and Rose didn’t find out. Stars, they deserved better than him. Someone who had nearly gotten Finn and Rose killed by Hux and Phasma...

And now was lying to them. 

***

_Ben,_

_There’s something else I actually feel guilty for. It’s Phasma, what she nearly did to Finn and Rose. The lothcat’s out of the bag regarding my, Finn and Rose’s epic plan to at least buy the Resistance more time. That was my plan, at least. That was what I wanted. I wanted to help them. It helped that Finn and Rose pitched the idea to me._

_And I thought it could work. It didn’t. The codebreaker we found was just a snake in the grass, and I nearly got Finn and Rose killed. I contributed to the Resistance being whittled down.  
_

_Maybe between those and you being forced to torture me, I really am a failure.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

_Poe,_

_I swear if you say that again about yourself, I will be completely done with you. You are not a failure. You destroyed Starkiller Base — and good riddance to bad rubbish, as far as I’m concerned. You’re a phenomenal leader with a heart bigger than it has any right to be. And if I recall correctly, it was the traitor and Tico who made the mistake of trusting him in the first place. Considering DJ — and if that’s his real name, I’m supposed to be charismatic and charming — ran off with the reward, Phasma and Hux were stupid for trusting him too. What I’m saying is that of all the stupid people here, you were the least stupid. Blaming yourself has no logic in it.  
_

_Besides, Snoke only made me torture you because he knew how important you are to me.  
_

_...stars, I’m saying too much.  
_

_-K.R._

_***  
_

_Ben,  
_

_Finn’s name is...well, Finn. Just so you know. He’s not FN-2187 anymore.  
_

_I suppose there’s logic in what you say. I think I’ve just been so used to blaming myself.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

There was something about the way that Kylo had actually written that missive that was enough to make Poe feel, somehow, better. He couldn’t say why Kylo was saying all these things — why he, in some twisted way, was trying to make Poe feel better, somehow. 

Maybe he was trying to lull Poe into a false sense of security, at least before he struck, before he ensnared Poe in his trap. But then again, they did use to be friends as well. Maybe Kylo did care — at least momentarily. Maybe there was something there. 

Maybe. 

***

Poe looked at the reports on his datapad in that moment. Something that Leia had decided to have him look over. Apparently, the First Order had decided to go to Corellia. No idea why they would even go there, if Poe was to be perfectly honest. After all, one would think that Kylo would at least ignore a place that seemed to have painful memories for him. Being the homeworld of his father, after all. Who he’d murdered. Because Snoke planted the idea in his head, in a way. 

If there was a hell, if the Force had a hell, Poe hoped that Snoke was burning there. (Who said that all-loving hero types had to love everyone, including those that hurt people important to them?)

It was when Poe was looking over the reports that he received another missive from Kylo.

***

_Poe,_

_His name is Finn? I would expect his new name to be more creative than that. And I thought that you would take him under your wing. Honestly, you always were the sort to give people chances. Take in outcasts. I just don’t know how you can stand him.  
_

_-K.R._

***

_Ben,_

_He’s just a good friend. And you didn’t have to slice up his back, while we’re on the subject. I mean, I know you, Ben. You’re not a sadist. You’re not someone who would just do that.  
_

_-Poe_

***

_Poe,_

_I would say it was because he betrayed the First Order, but considering I technically did too...I’m not sure. Serving Snoke used to make sense. Now...now I’m wondering about a lot of decisions I’ve made. Admittedly. I shouldn’t be thinking about that.  
_

_Just this once, I want to be sure of a decision I’ve made, an allegiance I have. Just this once. But I can’t be that blessed by the Force. And I’m going to shoot down your suggestion I leave — I can’t. It’s not like the Resistance is going to throw me a party for defecting._

_-K.R._

***

_Ben,_

_I’d be glad you’re back.  
_

_-Poe_

***

Poe couldn’t help but feel a stab of disappointment when Kylo didn’t reply. It was childish to feel, but really — had he actually struck a nerve when he’d said that he’d be glad Kylo was back? It couldn’t be that bad. 

Poe sighed and continued going over the Corellia reports. Apparently Kylo was trying to do something about Proxima, the one in charge of the scumrats. 

Well, that was one good thing he was doing. Apparently that was one reason some people followed the First Order — besides fear, of course. And it made sense — Hux had been shouting about disorder in that speech he’d made before he blew up the Republic. Of course the First Order would sell people on the idea of cleaning up the galaxy. 

In Ben’s case, he seemed to have actually bought his own bantha shit. 

Of course he would. Ben, the sweet-natured if odd boy with the voices of the galaxy in his head — of course he’d be operating under the belief that he was helping people. 

Ben would seem like the type to believe his own lies, at least — and Poe almost felt bad for thinking it. 

***

Poe delivered the information to the rest of the Resistance — Corellia having an attempted occupation by the First Order. Conquering. At least, Poe could say that he wasn’t going to blame Ben if Proxima was one of his targets, considering she’d basically made an empire out of child abuse. 

”Best we can do is keep Corellia from falling to the First Order," he said. “We’ll have time to pack our bags. And we’ll need to come up with disguises and alibis in order to pull this plan off.”

Assuming they could.

***

It was later that Poe got the missive from Kylo, which seemed to be a complete change of subject. 

_Poe,_

_I’m going to Corellia. I heavily recommend you and the Resistance stay out of my way.  
_

_-K.R._

Somehow, Poe thought, whether it was conviction, obligation or both, he knew it wasn’t a promise he could keep. 


	8. Corellia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group lands on Corellia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for past child abuse/starvation with Han’s backstory, and minor character death in the present.

The Millennium Falcon. Even as Poe sat at the cockpit, feeling how tired he was, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like, possibly seeing Kylo face to face again. They had met last time on that one planet, forced to work together to survive. Poe had all but poured out his soul to Kylo —

Poe froze. He hadn’t given out confidential information, obviously, and that was good, but...he had given out so much to the man who was the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Who had tortured him — of course, Kylo hadn’t done it willingly —

He was giving himself away, bits and pieces, to Kylo. And in a true piece of irony, it was Kylo who seemed to understand him the most. 

The man who had broken his heart, managing to understand him more than others could...

Poe rubbed his forehead. He couldn’t be thinking like this. Not really. Not when they were on opposite sides of a war, with the fate of the galaxy in the balance. 

Rey was asleep next to him; she’d agreed to be the copilot. She seemed to be muttering in her sleep, twitching on occasion. What was she dreaming about? Poe couldn’t help but wonder. 

He tried to close his eyes. Of course he did. Sleeping seemed to be all but difficult as Poe lay back in his pilot’s chair. In his mind, he saw Kylo’s face on Crait, only superimposed over the Corellian battleground. And there was no Luke. Poe supposed he was grateful for that, at least; he didn’t want to have a replay of that masquerade, that lie, about Luke being some sort of hero even though he couldn’t be bothered to make up for his mistakes. 

  
***

His nightmares were busy. In between seeing Luke killing Ben, over and over again, and more, Poe was grateful when he snapped awake, drenched in sweat, ready to land on Corellia. Which they did. 

***

It was finding his way through the crowd that Poe heard the murmurs of conversations, things that were on the outside of his understanding. Some of it was about Kylo. Of course it was about Kylo. “...he’s got to do good,” someone was saying, “After all, considering how bad our situation is with Proxima and how the Republic did nothing to help us, he’s our best chance.”

Despite himself, Poe’s heart ached for the people of Corellia. How bad did their situation have to be that Kylo seemed like an improvement?

Then again, considering how Han had described Proxima, it was probably pretty bad. “ _She was vicious_ ,” he remembered Han saying. “ _If you were in a bad mood, she’d find some way to make you miserable, including making you go without food_. _She was still the most terrifying figure in my life_.”

Poe could believe it. Anyone who managed to scare the late Han Solo, he didn’t want to meet. 

”We’ll have to be careful,” Leia said to Poe. "Incredibly so. Corellia’s a rough place.”

”Thought so,” Poe said. They made their way through the streets. Poe couldn’t help but notice that there was a strange lack of troopers. It seemed too quiet. It wasn’t a good sign, when something was too quiet. 

***

"We’ll have to meet with the Corellian government,” Leia said. “Soon enough. If we can find a way to convince them that we’re here to help...”

”We’ll have to make strong arguments,” Poe said. “Considering that their current state right now is basically in the sewers, I think they actually need us to help them. Do what the Republic couldn’t.”

”And we will, Poe.”

 _We will_. At least, Poe thought, there was that. 

It was as they drew up to the building of the Corellian government that Poe watched Leia go still. 

”He’s there,” Leia said. “Kylo.” Poe didn’t miss how she said that name with a hint of disappointment. Of disgust. 

It made Poe almost flinch, knowing that even General Organa was disgusted with Kylo, and what he was doing. 

***

Even as Poe entered the building with Leia and the others, though, he could already feel like he had stepped into a horror holo. The part where the protagonist stepped into a creepy house even though common sense screamed that they really, really shouldn’t. 

Still, Poe was the type to try and stay cool under pressure, and he kept his blaster at the ready all the while. It wouldn’t be any use if he actually lost his composure in this moment.

Rey ignited her lightsaber. She had recently mended it (finally) with Leia, and there was something about the bright blue glow that was almost comforting as they walked upstairs. 

The trek up the stairs...Poe could swear that it seemed like forever. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest at the sheer emptiness of the building...

And then the door. They opened it, only to see the body of the Corellian governor on the ground — and Kylo standing above him, lightsaber ignited. 

Poe’s heart sank. Here he was — thinking that he could stop Kylo, and now...there was this.


	9. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance’s mission starts to go pear-shaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“Did you kill him?” That was what Poe said, even as he walked across the threshold towards Kylo. His blaster was at his side, in that moment, and he knew that it would most likely fail trying to shoot Kylo, even so much as knock him unconscious, but he knew that he would have to make sure he had it on him nonetheless. 

Kylo was completely calm all the while. "I did,” he said. “Corellia would never be happy under his rule.”

”And somehow it would be under the First Order?" Poe said. 

”You heard about it. From Han Solo. You know it as much as I do. The stories.”

Kylo took in the others, from Leia to Rey. Ignited his saber as he looked at Rey. 

They fought. Rey didn’t so much duel as she did scrap, and Poe, watching, actually was afraid, even briefly, that either one of them could get hurt. Because Rey was his friend and Kylo something beyond labels, and Poe just couldn’t —

”Stop it,” Poe said. “You — you don’t want to do this."

Rey turned to look at him, as did Kylo. “Poe,” Rey said. “Stay out of this. You’re not well; you’re affected from...that stay on that planet with him..."

"So now I’m ‘not well?‘“ Poe said. 

“You can’t save him, Poe,” Rey said. “Not if he doesn’t want to be saved.”

Poe didn’t miss the brief, vulnerable flash on Kylo’s face. A look that he didn’t think he’d see in quite a while. 

Rey continued. “I didn’t know that then but I know that now.”

”It seems to be the way, doesn’t it?” Kylo murmured, sounding unexpectedly bitter. "Just when I think I can rely on someone, they, too, turn on me.”

”You did that to yourself,” Leia said. 

Poe didn’t miss the way that a spasm of anger passed over Kylo’s face. How his hand clenched and unclenched.

Poe was about to speak up, only for Rey to charge at Kylo again. The two seemed to be evenly matched, especially with Kylo not being wounded like he was on Ilum. Blue against red. Poe tried to shout over the din —

— and Kylo froze Rey. Froze her, and then the others. Including Poe. 

(The battlefield of Tuanul, once again. Poe firing on Kylo — not knowing he was Ben. Stars, if he’d known, he would have at least hesitated in pulling the trigger — and Kylo freezing the blaster bolt — that feeling of helplessness as the stormtroopers socked him in the gut and dragged him to Kylo...)

Kylo turned, briefly, to look at Poe. A brief, almost regretful nod; it seemed, at least, that Kylo was genuinely sorry as to what he had just done to Poe, if not anyone else. 

(Was it really Kylo having good in him, if he just expressed concern towards one person while caring nothing for other people?)

Then he spun around, left. 

***

It took a while before Poe broke out of the stasis field, and he had to admit that it was like trying to regain his sense of reality. He wasn’t on Tuanul. He was on Corellia. Kriff, it wasn’t like Kylo had done it on purpose (possibly) but it stung nonetheless. Felt more intimate, more of a sting, than anything else.

”Are you okay, Poe?” Finn said. Another reminder that he was here, not on Tuanul. 

”Yeah.” Poe took a deep breath. “Come on. Let’s go find our wayward Supreme Leader, shall we?”


	10. Homeward Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group heads back to Ajan Kloss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They didn’t succeed. Even as they forced their way through the crowd on Corellia, Poe couldn’t help but notice that Kylo Ren’s shuttle had taken off. He had all but flown away. Run away, like he kept running away, time and time and time again. 

Poe doubted, in that moment, that he had felt so...what, exactly? Was “disappointed” a good word for it. After all, you had to care, in order to be disappointed. Be invested in what was going on. And Poe had cared — not just because he was Poe and he cared about everybody, but because Kylo meant something to him. 

Somehow, he’d been something to him. 

Finn turned to look at Poe. “I’m sorry,” he said, softly, and Poe — well, Poe could believe it. It wasn’t Finn’s fault that Kylo had possibly tricked him. Being yanked into thinking something (what was that something?) and the opposite happened. 

It wasn’t Finn’s fault. 

***

Boarding the Falcon, Poe couldn’t help but feel like, somehow, Kylo had betrayed him. Even though Kylo was acting according to...well, how his nature was now. Yeah. Just his nature. 

It hurt. Even as he got to the cockpit of the Falcon, Rey with him, it was Rey who said, “Okay, seriously, what in Ri’ia’s name? What’s really been going on?"

”It’s nothing, Rey,” Poe said. 

”It doesn’t seem like nothing,” Rey said. “The way you reacted when the two of us dueled...”

”I...didn’t want you to get hurt.” Poe said. Pathetic. He could have come up with a better lie than that. 

”I’m fine,” Rey said. “I stood my ground on Ilum and the Supremacy. I can do it now.”

Poe nodded.

”It’s that planet, isn’t it?” Rey said. “Poe, I’ll say it right then and there: you’re wasting your time if you think he’s going to change his mind. Han paid with his life for it, and me? I’ve been kicking myself for a while...”

”Is that..."

”He’s not the flexible type,” Rey said. “Come on; let’s get out of here.”

***

Poe wished, at least in that moment, that they hadn’t had to basically leave Corellia behind. It wasn’t like they had a choice, but even so...

They’d come back. They had to. Just to free these people. Free them all. 


	11. Epilogue: K.R.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe reflects on what they have to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The Resistance gave Poe a break when he got back to Ajan Kloss. Poe was at least grateful for that. Even as he headed back to his room, he wondered if that was the way it was going to be. If they were, simply, going to be things that couldn’t be labeled.

The datapad chimed once Poe got back to his room, and it was there that Poe read the message. 

***

_Poe,_

_About earlier, I am sorry I scared you, with freezing you in place. It was the best thing to do, just to keep you from following me. But scaring you was...not something I wanted, not really.  
_

_I wish there was some way to help you understand. Because the galaxy is broken. I just know that it is. I’ve known it, felt it, ever since I was small. When General Organa was still a Senator, and I heard about her Senate’s seemingly endless bickering. When I felt the galaxy burning in my head. Someone had to make the galaxy better, and it seems that that person has to be me.  
_

_And Corellia’s no exception. I am doing what’s right. Please...believe me.  
_

_-K.R._

_***  
_

_Ben,_

_There has to be a better way than this.  
_

_-Poe_

_***  
_

The war wasn’t over. The battle for Corellia wasn’t over either. They had to go back there, Poe thought, and find some way to take it back. 

And by the stars, they’d make it. They really would. 


End file.
